Circular Thoughts
by redex
Summary: KyurakuUkitake. Bleach, Inc. It's always him, no matter where he is or what he's doing. And he can't seem to stop.


Written for Bleachinc over at LJ. An RP set in a real-world office.

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_**Circular Thoughts**_

Shunsui wakes up lying in someone else's bed. It has now become more common than waking up in his own, unfortunately. His habit of waking up early serves him well. He slides out of the bed noiselessly, extracting his legs and arms from the tangle, watching the woman - this time a black-haired beauty from the pharmicy where he had stopped to pick up his medication on his way home from work. He had walked her home, the perfect gentleman (except for the eternal flirting of course, which some women took to and others not at all).

They hadn't drunk enough for him to be drunk, but he was rather sure that she had been. It took a lot for Shunsui to be _really_ drunk these days, and it required a dedicated hour or so of downing liquids before he would finally pass out.

He found his bag and pulled on his running clothes, shoving the tailored pants and fine shirt in their place. It only took a moment to scribble his home number on the whiteboard beside the telephone, pausing as a noise arose from the bedroom, and then when it abated he plugged himself into his mp3 player and headed out the door.

It was foggy out, suiting his mood, and he pulled the bag's straps tighter over his chest before breaking into an easy trot down the road. He wasn't exactly sure where he was, but he was sure if he headed in the direction that the sun was coming up he would eventually find somewhere that he knew.

He could use the exersise after bearly being able to carry Byakuya into his house from the car. Admittably, those had been a lot of stairs, but he shouldn't be slacking off just becuase it was winter.

Recently, Ukitake had been baffling him. Sure, he was _nice_ to everyone, but he was almost acting as sexually impartial as Shunsui himself.

After simply being friends with the man for well on ten years, Shunsui realized that the reason why none of his relationships were working was because Ukitake held more place in his heart than anyone else. And then, well, it was obvious that Jyuushiro only ever meant for them to be friends. Otherwise he would have come forward by now, wouldn't he? He was loved by everyone, no one who met him could resist his bright smile.

And so Shunsui had let it go. Accepted this burden upon himself. He would stay silent for as long as it took, to keep that smile from fading.

He had seen it before. Jyuushiro was nice to everyone, but the moment someone betrayed him, Shunsui had seen that radient spotlight of a smile slowly fade away to nothingness. And he didn't think he could bear being left alone. Left alone like his family had left him alone. He didn't want to fight with Jyuushiro the way he had fought with his brother, and he didn't want to loose that trust he had worked so hard to gain.

But the reason why Shunsui ran this early in the morning in the winter fog was to push these eternally hovering thoughts out of his head, not encourage them. And so he ran a little faster.

He would make it to his apartment and throw his clothes in the hamper, jump into the shower to quickly clean the sweat from his skin, quickly put on some cologne and his work clothes and catch the train to work. He would smile at Jyuushiro and buy him coffee and a muffin for lunch, would coo at Nanao-chan in an attempt to avoid actually doing any work, would nag Byakuya and be nagged in good-natured return, would lace his coffee with a little more Bailey's than usual in an attempt to quiet the voices that told him that enough was enough.

Because, surely, when he got down to it, there was no hope in the universe that Jyuushiro could want this mess of a man who didn't even have the courage to ask his best friend out on a proper date.

And tonight maybe he'd find another woman to vent his fustrations on, or just go to the gym and work out before a long hot shower and collapsing into bed. Or maybe he'd go out drinking and come home and stare out the window. Or maybe he'd finally, finally pick up the phone and call Jyuushiro, tell him he loved him and won't he please, _please_ forgive him for the mess he made.

But chances are his fingers would make the familiar route to Nanao-chan's cell phone, and he would end up telling her that he was sorry for being the worst boss in the world before hanging up. Or his fingers would take a slightly lesser known route to Byakuya's mansion, east wing, and do the same while the Kuchiki would sit silently and listen, no matter how late it was.

And the world would keep rolling by, the sun would keep shining, Jyuushiro would keep smiling, and it seemed that only he could take no more of the lies he was keeping up.

Especially in front of the one he so wanted to bare everything to.


End file.
